Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Damn work!

What the heck, I went back to working and suddenly I neglected my blog! Not on purpose of course - it has just been an interesting transition and added on top of that was a HUGE project my hubby had going on at his own work, requiring longer and sometimes odd hours.

But have no fear, I'm stillll here. Sometimes struggling (like with the chocolate at my office that calls my freaking name every.single.time I walk by it). But still seeing success (I am hovering between 142-143 lbs right now, which is my low weight and puts me at 85 lbs lost still. Sure, I really want to get into the 130's, but still I am THRILLED about how things are going, considering that last year at this time I had gained a good 10 or 15 lbs since Thanksgiving.

I was thinking the other day about my motivations. And I've talked about it before. There are things that are a BIG deal, like my health and being a good influence on my children. Being able to be active with them, having energy to do things, and being around as long as possible to see their lives play out. Those are the big motivators that continuously serve as reminders to get back on track when I'm faltering, or to stay on track when I'm on a roll.

But there are "shallow" motivators too. I like being a single-digit pants size. I've never experienced it before and it's amazing. I like that I can dress up and try on whatever, and not feel like I look like a whale. I love it when people who knew me long ago, see me or hear my story and are shocked. Random compliments or comments are always nice. Just the other day I saw somebody for the first time in quite awhile and he said he barely recognized me. And it is nice that I look and feel like a new person. I look different. I have different interests and can do things I never thought possible. I feel different and happier and healthier. I like it even more because lately, it has been corresponding with a big change in my family's life as well. My husband scored what was basically his dream job, and he loves it. We moved for this job...so we put our old house up for sale and started renting a new house in a new city. We got lucky and got a great offer in 2.5 months on our house, so that chip is just about off our shoulder assuming nothing goes wrong between now and closing this spring (which I am confident it will be smooth, because the buyers seem to have their heads on straight and be very set and financially able to follow through). My oldest daughter started Kindergarten. I'm in Grad School and my husband is about to start. I got a great new job that I love. We just traded our ol' mini-van in for a new vehicle which I ADORE, and best of all, it has AWD so I don't need to be as nervous on hills in the snow anymore. Seriously, I am a TERRIBLE worry-wart. I am easily stressed in some situations, and literally sometimes give myself headaches worrying about things that most people wouldn't dwell on. So when I got stuck on a hill in my van the other day (couldn't get up the hill after stopping at a red light), I was FLIPPING OUT inside. Crap like that just makes my heart pound. I handled it well, but still I was flipping out. Talk about an instant headache. But I digress...

My point is, or was supposed to be, I just really feel like a new, happier, healthier person, living a new, happier, healthier life. I feel like ever since I started losing weight, all sorts of extra good things have happened to me. Like finally getting healthy created a domino effect. I know that's not all true, that some of it was just a part of our path either way...but I still feel very blessed and thankful and happy that I am healthy now in order to truly enjoy this awesome ride called life. There are bad things and struggles too, of course. But I am determined to concentrate on the good and learn from/move on from the bad. Because when it comes down to it, my family is healthy and happy and our future looks bright. I love them so much and am so glad I will be around longer to enjoy them.

Now that I have written a novel and made up for some of my absence, I feel it only right to leave with a quick tribute to all of the victims of the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary school in Newtown, CT last week. All of the things I talk about above are trivial. My weight, my job, my husbands job, my fear of snowy hills...none of it really matters. I think this tragedy really puts life into perspective. My prayers are with every single victim, victim's family and friends, the first responders and emergency personnel involved that day, and the community members. Like parents across the nation, I have been heartbroken over this. I have been hugging my kids more often and giving thanks for them. I have honestly been thinking about it constantly, and I know I'm not the only one.

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