Why I'll always struggle, and why/how running will help.

I've been successful. I am not at "goal" but I am close, and I've been maintaining the loss I've had so far. It's been 2.5 years now since I started my journey. The journey will continue until I die. Why?

THE INNTER FATTIE (cue dramatic music)

Because I will ALWAYS have that "inner fattie". I may look different than I used to, and my lifestyle may be different - but I will always have that inner fat girl inside. I will always struggle to control over-eating and indulging in "junk" too often. I totally believe in balance, so I certianly don't cut anything out - but I will always struggle with eating just one doughnut instead of 3. It doesn't matter if I'm not hungry. It doesn't matter if my stomach is bloated and I am feeling a little too full...once I start, I will always want to keep going. It's something that a lot of people cannot understand unless they, too, struggle with it or have struggled with it. And I am sure it sounds ridiculous to those who have not experienced it.

Honestly, it sounds ridiculous to me, too. Why would I eat a box of cereal? Why would anyone want to eat pasta until they felt like they were going to explode? Who would eat frosting out of a can daily until the can was gone and it needed to be replaced for it's intended use on a cake (which of course promptly gets eaten in less than 2 days). Who eats a bag of chips, with dip, by themselves?

I don't know, but I know I admit to having done all of those things in my lifetime, so I understand others who have done it, too. And many won't admit it, but I think it's actually pretty common. And it can be painfully hard to overcome. For me, personally, taking ownership of it was a big part of the process. YES. I ate like crap. I binged. And of course, nobody binges on salads and veggies. And guess what else? It was nobody's fault but my own. Screw the excuses, it was ALL ME. And I was the only person who could fix it.

So yes. I will always struggle because my inner fattie is a part of me....she will always be lurking in the background - I am just learning how to better control her these days.

But now for the second part of my post - why I like running and how it helps and will continue to help battle my inner fatty and all of my old habits. Growing up, I hated gym. I hated sports. For many reasons, but one being that I just did not have the competitive nature necessary for team sports. And kids in school can be nasty. You miss a shot playing basketball and it was like the world was about to shatter! So, I grew up HATING sports and gym class in particular. I would have preferred torture with 24 hours of polka music while locked in an empty room by myself.

But I needed something active to do in order to help the weight loss journey. To get fit and healthy. Running is PERFECT. You do not have to compete against anybody but yourself - and even then, only if you want to. Some people love just heading out and running - no timer, no thoughts about pace. Just running. That is awesome!! I started out that way, and have evolved to be a bit competitive - with my own times. I love pushing myself to improve my last time. And I love that it does not matter what anyone else does, and nobody else is affected by what I do. It's all me. There will always be people faster, and always be people slower, and it doesn't matter! Running is so all-inclusive. You're a runner, whether you run 12 minute miles or 7 minute miles.

Bonus - I can do it with others or alone. I can get lost in my own thoughts or just zone out. I can step out my door and go, or drive to other areas or trails to explore. I just need a good pair of shoes and some work out clothes! And when I've been running regularly, my eating habits naturally get better, without even thinking about it. Who wants to ruin a good running streak with a bunch of junk food? And who wants to run, feeling all weighed down by a bloated stomach because you ate too much crap? It's perfect motivation to eat well, and eating well is a perfect motivation to run. For me, they now go hand in hand. I am a runner now, and I intend to stay that way - because it has become a key element of my continued health and weight loss/maintenance success.

I can EASILY see myself gaining all of my weight back and probably then some, if I don't stay active.

Rice Lake Classic 3.7 Miles

Yesterday I did a local 3.7 mile race with some ladies in my MRTT chapter. It was a hilly course with a pretty good wind blowing against us part of the way.

But fun! I finished in 33:31, and I'm thrilled with that. At the 5k mark, I was at 27:11...14 seconds faster than my current 5k race PR (and that was on a pancake-flat course). 

But even better, it was amazing to watch my friends finish. Our times varied from second-place overall, to being within the last to finish. Every.single.one.of.them ROCKED it!!!  It was awesome, so many inspiring women. 

I followed up that great race with a day of family fun at our city annual festival. Plenty of junky food was consumed. This morning I headed out for a 9 miler and the plan is to get back on the healthy food wagon today and through this coming week! Wish me luck :-)

Sweat is FAT CRYING!

You've probably heard that saying somewhere along the line. And tonight while I was on the stair climber in the gym, with sweat dripping down my face and running down my arms and back and stomach...I thought of this.

If sweat really was fat crying, then my fat must have been freaking devastated tonight. I love days like this, where I succeed in making healthy food choices all day and then get a good work out in. Can I make it two in a row? I hope so! Today certainly wasn't a "second in a row" - because last night, I had a ridiculous craving for carbs...it turned into a bit of a carb-fest. Not good.

But today, I moved on and redeemed myself!

How were your choices today?

Lord, give me strength....

My older daughter in in Kindergarten. She is a Daisy Girl Scout this year - and guess what time it is? Yes. You guessed it.

Girl Scout Cookie time.

Back in the day when I was a Daisy Girl Scout...(you know...ummm, just.... 19 years ago...ahem), we took orders on order forms, then turned them in, and the cookies came awhile later and we had to distribute and deliver them. Now, the girls have the cookies ahead of time. They can bring them with door to door and exchange money for goods on-the-spot. Speaking of money - $4 a box this year. WTF is THAT all about?! Geeez - before you know it, they will be charging a kidney or something!

Anyhow. What does this mean for me, exactly? It means that I now have dozens of boxes of cookies sitting in my house. Every single cookie seems to call my name from within. It's like a massive chorus....eating away at me with urges to eat away at THEM. Granted, the cookies are to sell. They aren't mine unless I buy them. And I am sure we will buy a couple of boxes. But we need to PLAN for it. The problem with having them around is that I could say, oh let's open a box. We'll buy it. And then, Oh, lets open another box. We'll buy it....and so on. That could be one heck of a slippery (and expensive) slope!

So I declare now, I will NOT GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION. The only cookies I will buy and eat will the what my husband and I plan ahead of time to buy. And that number will be very minimal. There will be NO spur-of-the-moment "Oh, we'll just buy one more box" crap!

So STFU, cookies. I'm NOT listening to your evil chants of deliciousness.

My inner fatty craves....cheerios?

My inner fatty strikes again!

Yesterday I had a small lapse, and ended up eating several bowls of Honey-Nut Cheerious. Of all things I could binge on, I chose Cheerios? Seriously? But they were there, and I was craving some carbs. And I am a sucker for cereal. It was like I couldn't stop. I was hungry, damnit!

Only a fatty or former fatty can take a seemingly harmless food and make it into pig-out central.

So I figure I ate 500-600 calories in cereal alone. Yeaaaa, I might even be under-estimating. Luckily for me, it was getting close to lunch time, so I just chalked it up to a strange, early lunch. Then I worked out extra hard at the gym that afternoon. I actually ended up in a decent range for calories for the day when all was said and done. I actually had a good weigh in this morning. Which is great, but it's not really the point.

The point is - it's just another example of how I will be fighting this fight, probably for the rest of my life. I've lost 85lbs (ok, 82, but soon to be back to 85) and changed my life. I know what I need to do and what works for me. I'm happy with my method of madness. Yet still - given the right timing and circumstances, I can easily find myself powerless to resist temptation, even in the form of boring ol' cereal!

What is one strange or not-so-typical item that you have found yourself binging on?