Thursday, October 18, 2012

Something that bugs me

I am used to being the "bigger" girl. Even in elementary school, I was bigger than most of my classmates. What I am not used to is being a so called "normal" size. My BMI is in the normal range. I can buy normal, non-plus size clothing. My doctor is not concerned about my weight. This is all new to me! These are things that I never dreamed would ever be the case - but here I am! It's amazing and still seems impossible.

But what kind of bugs me is when I get comments occasionally, from well-meaning friends or acquaintances, that I am "disappearing into nothing". Or "How much more do you plan to lose, you are tiny?! Maybe I am just being sensitive, but it feels like they are saying I am taking it too far. But the thing is, I am very aware of exactly where I am and where I need to go in my journey - and I am very conscious of making sure I am not seeing myself differently than everyone else. My BMI is towards the top of the "normal" range, so although people may comment that I look like I can't lose anymore - yes, I can. I want to be in the middle of normal...and trust me, there is definitely enough excess left for me to get there. I have even asked my hubby's opinion, with the promise that nothing he said would be held against him, and he agreed with me. Losing another 10-15 lbs is not a far reach. The thing is, people who have known me forever, have NEVER seen me as a "normal" weight. Maybe to them, it's a bit of a shock and looks just...not right. I just wish they would trust me that I am not turning into a crazy person and trying to be a size 0 or something. I am honestly taking a ton of different things into account when I am deciding where my goal is. I just wish I didn't have to feel guilty for doing so! It's like, if somebody was my build and height, but had always been 130 lbs and healthy looking, nobody would think twice. It would be a non-issue. But just because I have always been overweight or obese, it is crazy for me to be 130 lbs? Even though 130 for my height is well within the typical normal range?

Honestly, I say in person to people that I'd like to get to X goal, but deep down, I secretly hope to get to a different goal - I'm just afraid of more comments about losing too much weight. I suppose it's just a hazard that goes with the territory of losing a significant amount of weight, and even more so being open and honest about it like I am. I understand that and I accept that...but just wanted a quick vent about it. Now I will get over it and move on :-)

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