Skinny

I thought I saw somewhere that the average model is something like 25% thinner than the average american woman. And a LOT of models have a BMI that would qualify them as being underweight.

Of course, for the average woman, there is no danger of ever being underweight...more of us are battling the weight loss game or trying to maintain our average weights... but these are the standards society is thrusting in our faces at every turn. So when you are aiming to lose weight, it can be easy to focus on wanting to simply be "thin" rather than focusing also, on your health. After all, "thin is in".

As for the ridiculous hair styles sometimes seen, let's not even go there.

Guess what. I want to look hot in a swimsuit as much as the next woman. But first of all, being a stick with bones jutting out in awkward places, and having no boobs, is not hot. Guess what else? I would much rather be a size 10, but strong and fit, than to be a size 0 and have no energy or strength. I wonder how many of these super skinny models could run long distances? Not many, considering they don't have the fuel for it in their bodies. These models are skinny-fat - and that is not where it's at.

I want to look great, be healthy, and have the strength, power and fitness to accomplish amazing things. Our bodies are capable of so much if we just treat them properly and put in the work - why would I throw that away for a flat chest and a bony ass?

*Disclaimer: I do realize there are occasions where women are underweight and honestly struggle to put weight on, just as overweight women struggle to lose it. I am absolutely NOT talking about these women and firmly believe they deserve all the same respect as an overweight person, or any person. My point is geared towards the super, ridiculously skinny models who are getting paid millions to keep their calorie intake low and their BMI even lower. I also understand there may be other factors at work - mental struggles and such. I don't mean to bang on these women personally, because I'm not in their shoes and don't know what's going on in their heads or lives. What I DO bang on, is how society is allowing this to appear as a standard. If consumers buy it and feed off of it, it won't go away. There are some great campaigns out there, such as the Dove Love your Body one and their movement for self esteem. I wish we would see more of this, including in the high fashion industry. Why can sample sizes be in the 6-12 range rather than the 00-4 range? Why can't the models be fit and curvy? Why, why why?

What are your thoughts on the super skinny models and companies that use them to promote their goods?

Something that bugs me

I am used to being the "bigger" girl. Even in elementary school, I was bigger than most of my classmates. What I am not used to is being a so called "normal" size. My BMI is in the normal range. I can buy normal, non-plus size clothing. My doctor is not concerned about my weight. This is all new to me! These are things that I never dreamed would ever be the case - but here I am! It's amazing and still seems impossible.

But what kind of bugs me is when I get comments occasionally, from well-meaning friends or acquaintances, that I am "disappearing into nothing". Or "How much more do you plan to lose, you are tiny?! Maybe I am just being sensitive, but it feels like they are saying I am taking it too far. But the thing is, I am very aware of exactly where I am and where I need to go in my journey - and I am very conscious of making sure I am not seeing myself differently than everyone else. My BMI is towards the top of the "normal" range, so although people may comment that I look like I can't lose anymore - yes, I can. I want to be in the middle of normal...and trust me, there is definitely enough excess left for me to get there. I have even asked my hubby's opinion, with the promise that nothing he said would be held against him, and he agreed with me. Losing another 10-15 lbs is not a far reach. The thing is, people who have known me forever, have NEVER seen me as a "normal" weight. Maybe to them, it's a bit of a shock and looks just...not right. I just wish they would trust me that I am not turning into a crazy person and trying to be a size 0 or something. I am honestly taking a ton of different things into account when I am deciding where my goal is. I just wish I didn't have to feel guilty for doing so! It's like, if somebody was my build and height, but had always been 130 lbs and healthy looking, nobody would think twice. It would be a non-issue. But just because I have always been overweight or obese, it is crazy for me to be 130 lbs? Even though 130 for my height is well within the typical normal range?

Honestly, I say in person to people that I'd like to get to X goal, but deep down, I secretly hope to get to a different goal - I'm just afraid of more comments about losing too much weight. I suppose it's just a hazard that goes with the territory of losing a significant amount of weight, and even more so being open and honest about it like I am. I understand that and I accept that...but just wanted a quick vent about it. Now I will get over it and move on :-)

Why are you/were you fat?

I'm all about honesty. I believe it is a key component to successfully changing my life and maintaining the health and fitness I have finally come to know. Part of that honesty is recognizing how I got to be 227 lbs and a size 22.

I started out overweight when I was in elementary school. I had no confidence, and therefore was too scared to do anything about it. Exercising or joining in sports would have meant people SEEING me. I never thought it was worth it. Then in high school I concentrated on other things. I was happy with what I did and what I had. I was overweight, but not obese, and I figured that was fine - no biggie. I could manage that.

Then I got married, had kids...the weight started piling on. I ate even more crap. I love junk food, not going to lie. My willpower was non-existent, and to be honest I often didn't even care. I just liked food.

 I also engaged in almost no physical activity. I felt like it would be pointless to try. I was out of breath just walking up one flight of stairs in my own house. That's just the way it was and I felt like that's just the way it would have to stay.

I wanted to change, but really didn't know how. And I was afraid of failing, yet again. And it seemed like it would be SO hard. Take SO long. I felt like I would never get to where I wanted to be. Basically lots of fear affected my every thought regarding my health and the seemingly far fetched potential for change. I am pretty sure I also didn't realize just how big I was! I was fooling nobody by myself.

Now I am a "normal" BMI, which still feels incredibly impossible. I am a size 8 (6 on good days in the right brand). It still seems so foreign to me, but in a great way obviously. I am well aware that it could all go to shit, SO easily, if I ever stop being honest with myself. I need to maintain the honesty. I need to remember where I came from, and why.

Who is brave enough to comment with why THEY are or were fat? Not excuses, but actual, honest reasons?