Hawaii Ragnar Hopeful....

So.....Im in the running along with dozens of other awesome MRTT leaders across the country, to go with our fearless leader, Pam, to Hawaii (!!!!) as a part of the Bondi Band Ragnar team.  Which by the way is awesome, since I love Pam and I love Bondi Band anyways! And...running?! In Hawaii?! No brainer. 

Wish me luck...it would be an amazing experience. Thanks especially to my hubby for giving the okay...in the event I actually win.....

If you follow me on Facebook, you'll see me post about this a lot over the next 2 weeks.  Apologies in advance. Kinda. 😜

#mrttbondibuddy #momsrunthistown #mrtt #bondiband #ragnarhawaii

Getting back in my groove

Ok so I confess: I've been slacking. This isn't to say I've done "bad". I've mostly maintained my weight loss and I've stayed fairly active. I'm not unhappy with myself at all. But last year, I struggled all summer with a few extra pounds and feeling just a little less fit than I felt the summer before. I still managed an awesome (for me) 5k PR in September. I ran a decent (for me) time in a half marathon on an unfamiliar, hilly course in 100 degree heat. 

But my average pace for the summer was not what it could have been. I was several minutes slower in my June half marathon than I had been the previous year. And like I said, my weight was just a few pounds up, and of course that got a little worse over these last few winter months. Nothing extreme - I've been able to wear my same clothing. It fit just a little tighter though.

Summer is coming. This means less clothing. Swimming. Race season. I really want to get back to where I was, fitness wise, 2 summers ago. I want a shiny new half marathon PR; even better would be a shiny new PR close to the 2:00 mark. Inevitably, a few pounds and inches will come off just by working to get to that fitness level.

What better time to get serious and back on track, than now? I've got my Fitbit. I already posted about how in love I am with it. It has really helped keep me motivated. I've been getting up early most weekdays to run, do free weights or floor exercises, or walk. And the best part is, now that it's becoming a habit, it is getting way easier to do. Which is great, because as soon as the weather allows, I'll be taking some of my runs outside, at 5 am with buddies. I need to be used to the early wake up call!

I've also been working on finding a balance with my nutrition. Eating healthier while still living my life and enjoying my wine, cheese, and the occasional junk meal or dessert. For example, I've been eating "clean" 95% of the time over the last 2 weeks. Lots of veggies, lean protein, and fruit. But Friday was our monthly Chinese food day at work. I loaded my plate, and surely ate plenty of calories and an ungodly amount of sodium....but I did at least stick to mostly veggie/meat dishes rather than fried things like sweet and sour chicken, fried rice or (omg yum) egg rolls. It was still a splurge...hello sauce? Oh hi, MSG! But I felt okay about it. 

Then on Saturday night, hubby and I had date night. I ordered salad , steamed shrimp...and fries. I also had dessert. But I had run 5 miles that morning, and got right back on track the next day. The toughest thing is to abide by splurges being splurges, not splurges being life!! 

Last night, my older daughter had Girl Scouts and it was our turn to bring snack. We brought chocolate chip cookies. Big delicious ones. And there were left overs. 5 years ago, I would have had a few last night. Probably a few more this morning. But not anymore!! Am I insane enough to completely shun a chocolate chip cookie? HELL NO. But I didn't have one last night (it was after 8pm by the time I had a chance). I had it this morning, with my coffee. Then I brought the remaining cookies to my work break room. I work with 99% men so they'll take care of those pesky cookies in a flash :-)

For all of this effort over the last...oh, 10 days or so....I've lost a couple pounds, I have less bloating, I'm getting my "guns" back, my legs are getting stronger, and I just feel better in general. I forgot how good it can feel to be this active! Best of all, I feel like I'm getting back in the groove, which is the hardest part. Last year I went through the motions. I did fine. But I never truly felt like I was in my groove. I feel like this is...the grooviest? that I have felt since the summer/fall of 2013. 

Epiphany

Obviously, running has become my go-to fitness outlet. It's convenient and efficient; a great way to burn some calories, build some strength, and clear your mind. I started because I was trying to lose weight. I continue because I've grown to love (well, love-hate) it. And when I first discovered Moms RUN This Town, I never imagined I would meet so many amazing, inspiring people. Or make so many good friends. Or feel connected with so many women I've never even met thanks to social media and the connectivity it allows for MRTTers all over the country and the world. 

My old life was sedentary. I slogged my way through the days weighed down by an always-exhausted body. The thought of being a "runner" was about as realistic as the thought of traveling to Mars on a unicorn accompanied by my cats. 

Really, it did not matter that it felt unrealistic - it also sounded miserable.

I mean....Run? Like...RUN? Why would anyone want to do that?  I really didn't know many people who ran. As ration sounded like a crazy and rare feat. 

Fast forward. I'm a runner. And I love it. Thanks to MRTT, my social circle is also full of runners. This means that, rather than a rarity, it has shifted to feel like the norm. But that's the thing, and it's hard to remember - it's NOT! 

I heard that only 10% of the population runs. 1 out of 10 people you see on the street. The other 90%? I think they see it much more accurately than the 10%...running is something to be proud of! It might not always seem like a big deal when you're surrounded by runners, but that's not the norm. 

Runners may have a conversation that goes something like:

A: I didn't have much time this morning so I only ran a quick 2 miles.

B: I hear ya...I'm so busy this weekend that I'll probably only get in an 8 miler. 

And a non-runner would think that is insane. I know 5 years ago, I would have thought so! "Only" 2 miles?! Ha, I could barely run 50 feet! 

So with all that being said, one of my goals this year is to get away from saying "only". This is also closely related to saying the word "slow" but that could be a whole other post. Anyhow, I want to stay appreciative and proud of every run, even if it's "just" a mile....because there was a time when "just" a mile seemed like a pipe dream. 

You don't have the be a runner to be healthy or fit. You can choose countless other forms of exercise all with their own benefits. I urge you to find what works for you if you haven't already. It can change your life. 

I chose to be in the 10% who runs, and I know it has changed my life! 

My BS Meter is off the charts

One of the latest big controversies to hit Social Media in the Health & Fitness world: SELF Magazine makes fun of Cancer Survivor's Tutu.

 

SELF magazine contacted Monika for permission to use a picture of Monika and a friend wearing tutus during a Marathon. Monika said okay, thinking a magazine like SELF would be utilizing it for positive use. Sure, SELF does include sex, relationship and beauty material – but they also claim to provide health & fitness related material. A great picture of a woman running a marathon would surely constitute material worthy of making a healthy or fitness section in a magazine, and I imagine that is why Monika did not think to ask what, specifically, her photo would be used for. I am sure it never dawned on her to do so. (And it makes me really angry that they misled her that way).

So she was shocked when the issue came out with this:

 

That’s right. The SELF “B.S. Meter” says women wearing tutus in races is “lame”. It implies that we think wearing the tutus will make us faster.

NOW BACK THIS TUTU TRUCK UP. I have a lot of problems with this, but let’s start with the most basic.  Nobody…NOBODY….thinks wearing a tutu in a race will make them faster. That is not the purpose of the tutu in anybody’s mind. People wear tutus (and other various costumes) all the time, and you know why?  They do it to be silly. They do it because it makes them feel good and have a little fun while doing something active. They do it with a group of people to match or stand out. (See example below - this is a chapter of Moms RUN This Town who got festive for a holiday season race).

Women (and even some men) sometimes wear a tutu while running a race for various reasons, all of which are light hearted and ultimately, are of no matter. What really matters? The fact that they are out there, getting fresh air, getting exercise, enjoying themselves. I think it is incredibly crappy for anybody to call that “lame”.

As it is, it bugs me for magazines to tear women down for what they wear. I realize that is the industry, yadda, yadda, yadda. Also, I cannot claim to be perfect and that I have never judged somebody for superficial things. I try to do better, but I am human and it happens. But still, it’s jerky to do, and the jerk factor increases when you are doing it so publicly, and to a women (women) who are running a Marathon. DUDE. She was running a marathon.  I don’t care what you are wearing while doing it – it’s not lame, that’s fantastic and incredible.

So yeah, it bugs me. It would have bugged me (and plenty of other female, and even some male runners) no matter what. But unfortunately for SELF magazine, there is more to the story behind that picture.  Monika, whose name can be seen on her race bib, was undergoing chemotherapy for brain cancer when that picture was taken of her running a marathon. Her friend in the picture has “die tumor due” on her own race bib. Whoa. Running a marathon is amazing as it is – and she did it while fighting cancer. It was her first Marathon with brain cancer, and that is why they were wearing those outfits. Including those “lame tutus”.  Which, by the way, Monika makes and sells via her company, Glam Runner, and she donates her proceeds to a wonderful organization, Girls on the Run, which encourages young girls to exercise, be healthy, and supports them in developing self confidence and positive self esteem.

Oops. I do realize SELF probably did not realize Monika’s story when they saw and requested permission to use the photo. But they sure could have done themselves a huge favor by doing a little research on the picture (being the “die tumor die” on Monika’s friend’s race bib) or by asking Monika a few questions when they asked for permission to use that pic. If they had, they would have avoided a PR nightmare – and perhaps published a completely different piece in their article – a motivational, inspirational, and uplifting one!

As for the B.S. Meter? Methinks this move of SELF Magazine's is pretty high up there.

Edited to add: Since I wrote this post, SELF Magazine has posted an apology. Which is great, I guess. They say they have donated to Girls on the Run for Monika. Which is really great. And I am not sure what else anyone would expect them to do. It doesn't change the fact that they were completely out of line. It never should have happened - they should be empowering women on their healthy journeys, not putting them down for what they choose to wear, via a picture they requested permission to use but neglected to tell the owner that it would be used to make fun of her.

 

Why I'll always struggle, and why/how running will help.

I've been successful. I am not at "goal" but I am close, and I've been maintaining the loss I've had so far. It's been 2.5 years now since I started my journey. The journey will continue until I die. Why?

THE INNTER FATTIE (cue dramatic music)

Because I will ALWAYS have that "inner fattie". I may look different than I used to, and my lifestyle may be different - but I will always have that inner fat girl inside. I will always struggle to control over-eating and indulging in "junk" too often. I totally believe in balance, so I certianly don't cut anything out - but I will always struggle with eating just one doughnut instead of 3. It doesn't matter if I'm not hungry. It doesn't matter if my stomach is bloated and I am feeling a little too full...once I start, I will always want to keep going. It's something that a lot of people cannot understand unless they, too, struggle with it or have struggled with it. And I am sure it sounds ridiculous to those who have not experienced it.

Honestly, it sounds ridiculous to me, too. Why would I eat a box of cereal? Why would anyone want to eat pasta until they felt like they were going to explode? Who would eat frosting out of a can daily until the can was gone and it needed to be replaced for it's intended use on a cake (which of course promptly gets eaten in less than 2 days). Who eats a bag of chips, with dip, by themselves?

I don't know, but I know I admit to having done all of those things in my lifetime, so I understand others who have done it, too. And many won't admit it, but I think it's actually pretty common. And it can be painfully hard to overcome. For me, personally, taking ownership of it was a big part of the process. YES. I ate like crap. I binged. And of course, nobody binges on salads and veggies. And guess what else? It was nobody's fault but my own. Screw the excuses, it was ALL ME. And I was the only person who could fix it.

So yes. I will always struggle because my inner fattie is a part of me....she will always be lurking in the background - I am just learning how to better control her these days.

But now for the second part of my post - why I like running and how it helps and will continue to help battle my inner fatty and all of my old habits. Growing up, I hated gym. I hated sports. For many reasons, but one being that I just did not have the competitive nature necessary for team sports. And kids in school can be nasty. You miss a shot playing basketball and it was like the world was about to shatter! So, I grew up HATING sports and gym class in particular. I would have preferred torture with 24 hours of polka music while locked in an empty room by myself.

But I needed something active to do in order to help the weight loss journey. To get fit and healthy. Running is PERFECT. You do not have to compete against anybody but yourself - and even then, only if you want to. Some people love just heading out and running - no timer, no thoughts about pace. Just running. That is awesome!! I started out that way, and have evolved to be a bit competitive - with my own times. I love pushing myself to improve my last time. And I love that it does not matter what anyone else does, and nobody else is affected by what I do. It's all me. There will always be people faster, and always be people slower, and it doesn't matter! Running is so all-inclusive. You're a runner, whether you run 12 minute miles or 7 minute miles.

Bonus - I can do it with others or alone. I can get lost in my own thoughts or just zone out. I can step out my door and go, or drive to other areas or trails to explore. I just need a good pair of shoes and some work out clothes! And when I've been running regularly, my eating habits naturally get better, without even thinking about it. Who wants to ruin a good running streak with a bunch of junk food? And who wants to run, feeling all weighed down by a bloated stomach because you ate too much crap? It's perfect motivation to eat well, and eating well is a perfect motivation to run. For me, they now go hand in hand. I am a runner now, and I intend to stay that way - because it has become a key element of my continued health and weight loss/maintenance success.

I can EASILY see myself gaining all of my weight back and probably then some, if I don't stay active.

And there was movement!

After being stuck since August....so....6 months... I FINALLY lost! My weight this morning was 140.4, putting me at just about 87 lbs lost. So close to being in the 130's, and so close to 90 lbs total... AAAAH!!! There was a point in time...well for much of my life, that it was unfathomable to me that I would ever be a normal, healthy weight. Now I'm staring the 130's in the face. I really wish I could remember what I weighed as a kid or young teenager. The farthest back I can remember is when I was 15/16...I wore a size 13 and weighed probably around 160? I wish I knew. Perhaps the last time I was 140 lbs was when I was, I don't know...12? And for 12, 140 lbs wasn't a good thing.

Why did I lose all of a sudden? I have 2 gueses. These are the 2 big things I've been doing differently. First of all, I've been drinking more water. Second, I have increased my running mileage. Same thing happened last year after I had been stuck - I started running more this time of year, and the weight started coming off again. Apparently the key for me, is running.

And speaking of running, my mom's running group is going WONDERFULLY. It is growing fast, we are currently at 42 members with more joining almost daily. The feedback has been absolutely amazing. Amazing enough to make me cry at times. There are some awesome ladies in my group who I am thankful to be able to call my friends.

I don't think a lot of local people read my blog, but if so...and you are interested in joining me in Moms RUN This Town (it is very laid back and member driven) all you need to do is REQUEST TO JOIN our Private Facebook group. That is where all of our communication, planning of events, etc. happens.

I also do a blog for potential new members to check us out and for current members to see the latest and greatest about whats going on with us. You can find that HERE.

Reflection

It is hard not to get caught up how many pounds I have left to lose (7 for sure, then a re-evaluation to see how I feel). It is so easy to get frustrated by the fact that I am the same weight now, as I was in August. (That is 6 months without movement, mind you. Besides for gaining and re-losing 10 lbs between September and December). I hate looking at myself in the mirror only to be greeted by a forever-bloated midsection, coupled with some sagging skin on my lower stomach.

So I have to try and remind myself about what is important. I might have a bit of weight left to lose, and I might be completely and totally stuck. And no, my stomach is not a pleasant sight to see (YIKES). But I have put 85 lbs behind me. Better yet, I have become active and healthy. Regardless of the number on the scale - I can work out hard. I do Zumba regularly (thanks for introducing me, Danika!). I can run a half marathon and do a 5k in 27:25. And I've even become a different person in general - doing things and trying things I never would have done or tried before, simply because of my low confidence level.  THOSE are the things I should try to focus on. Why do I (and a lot of people) just focus on the negative? Why is it so hard to celebrate what we've done already or how far we have come? I don't know, but it is. I (and we) should try harder to work on that. We are amazing, whether we are 400 lbs or 100. Whether we are weight-loss success stories or starting the journey. Whether we have failed once before or 1000 times before. We are amazing!!! We have to start remembering that, because I have a feeling it would help us go farther than we even know we can go. It's all about believing in yourself.

Thankfulness

In honor of Thanksgiving this week, I figured I should do a "Thankful" blog post.

Of course, I am thankful for typical things...my kids, my husband, my other family, my friends, my pets. This year, I am thankful for the amazing job opportunity which presented itself to my husband. It has been one of the top 3 best decisions of our lives. He loves his job, we love our new city, our kids are happy. Our future as a family is very bright. I am in Grad School with some amazing future possibilities. Yes, I am thankful for all of this - I am truly blessed.

But being that this blog is about my weight loss and fitness journey, what I really want to talk about is all of the things I am thankful for related to that. Two years ago at this time, I weighed 227 lbs and wore a size 22. I had no confidence. I was uncomfortable in my own skin, and I was always exhausted. I breathed hard just going up the stairs in my own home. I hated to have my picture taken, even with my kids. Shopping sounded like torture...not only because of the limited cute stuff in my size, but because no matter how well something fit and how cute it looked on the rack, I still felt like crap once I had it on. Not to mention trying on clothing was tiring. Seriously - trying on a few outfits in a fitting room felt like a marathon. Who wants to feel exhausted, just for trying on some clothing that isn't what you love and doesn't make you feel good anyhow? It was depressing.

Now - I weigh 146 (that was this morning's weigh-in) and I wear a size 8. Best of all, I feel healthy and fit.
And I am thankful for countless things...some shallow, some not.

I am thankful for my health - Yes...most people who have their health, are thankful for it...but it means something even more to me. I was on a destructive path that could only have ended in various negative health effects. But no more!
I am thankful for my body and all the amazing things it can do. Things I never knew or thought it could do, like running 13 miles without stopping.
I am thankful for running
I am thankful to know I can be a positive role model for my children
I am thankful for being viewed as an "inspiration" to others
I am thankful to not feel exhausted all the time
I am thankful for being a size 8 and being able to wear a MEDIUM in many cases.
I am thankful for feeling confident - I have done/am doing countless things that I never would have done before, such as going to Grad School, organizing a virtual 5k in collaboration with a local Zoo, leading running groups, and trying Zumba.
I am thankful for being comfortable being in pictures now, especially pictures with my kids.
I am thankful for people who are brave enough to talk to me about my experience, tell me "great job", or ask questions. I am not shy about this. I want to share so I can help others.
I am thankful for being able to shock the hell out of people when they haven't seen me or heard anything of me in years. "Holy crap, since when was she NOT overweight/obese? Say what, she has run half marathons? That can't be the same person I remember..." I am especially thankful for this when the person was somebody who was ever less-than-nice to me. That sounds bad but I don't care. It's kind of like a nice big EFF YOU to those people.
I am thankful that I was able to find the courage and motivation and determination to start my journey
I am thankful that I have been able to keep it up over a long period of time
I am thankful for the support and positive encouragement I have received from my friends and family throughout my journey.
I am thankful for my husband and his positive influence, support, encouragement and love. I am not sure I could have been as successful without him.

Wow. I could go on and on with the things I am thankful for. I am honestly bursting with thankfulness this Thanksgiving. You could probably see it coming out of my ears. My life has changed so completely, in so many ways... I still sometimes can't wrap my head around it. I sound like such a sap...sorry.

What health-related things are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? No matter where you are in your journey, I know there is something. Maybe you are just starting your journey, but yesterday you parked at the far end of the parking lot yesterday and successfully made the long trek inside. Even THAT is something to be thankful for!

So what are you thankful for? Ready, set, GO!

Diva Dash 5k!

I signed up for the Diva Dash kind of on a whim, just 5 days ago. I'm so glad I did! I was still bummed after missing the Monster Dash 1/2 Marathon after my younger daughter got the stomach flu, and I was itching to do a race. This 5k seemed perfect!

It was a wet, chilly, windy day. I've never run in conditions quite like it - normally I'm a pretty "Fair weather runner". I started out the race having to pee (thanks to all the coffee I drank beforehand, and despite visiting the restroom 20 minutes before start).
I was expecting a hilly course (therefore not the best time) but it was actually fairly flat, though not quite as flat as the course my PR was on. The start was narrow and it was pretty clustered at first, but once I found my way through, I was able to really give it gas. I forgot to turn on my Nike+ GPS, so I had no idea what my pace or time was. I just did what felt right, and I knew I wanted to give it my all. Which I mostly did, although the occasional blobs of slush falling from the sky didn't help.

Towards the end, I saw my time was going to be a potential PR so I really sprinted as hard as I could. I passed a girl about 3 feet from the finish line. (I'm sure she was cursing me!).

My official chip time ended up being 27:25...a PR by 6 seconds! Yaaaay!! AND my place was 56 out of 710. Granted, it's a run/walk with lots of walkers, but still. That's pretty exciting for me :-) Not bad considering I haven't run outside for ages (though I do run on the treadmill a lot), I wasn't planning this race, and it was cold and windy and drizzly.

I LOVE the thrill of trying to beat myself and the satisfaction I get from succeeding.

All in all, a great race, despite the less than desirable weather. I would definitely do it again!

Today's mile AND pics

Today I ran a mile in 11:07! No breaks! That was exciting :-)

Following is a pic of myself I posted back in January (taken during Christmas) along with a pic taken today in the same sweater. I guess this is what 33 lbs looks like?



And here is one I took of myself in a mirror a couple of weeks ago: